oh there's so much to tell...

but i need to fold the clothes and finish bleaching my bathroom before i even get started...

the kitchen and bathroom downstairs are already done.

oh yeah.

bleach.

way better than the smell that was down there before.

so much to tell...

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at the end of day two (more to come) i had finally just lost it.  i straggled out of the bathroom. i sat on the floor against the wall and put my head in my arms, resting on my bent knees - and started sobbing.  i tried to do it soft enough so the kiddos wouldn't hear me, but i could hear myself getting louder.  alex came up to me and the smell penetrated my nostrils.  it seriously burned.  he started crying.  matt came next.  he was crying already and smelled worse - if even imaginable. i couldn't do it anymore.  i didn't have anything left in me. i was failing.

and then my saving grace came.

he walked around the couch and stood directly in front of me.  i felt him stare but pretended i didn't know he was there.  after a few seconds, he crouched down to get a better look and said, "mommy, are you crying?"  

i was honest.  "yes buddy."

"but why, mommy?"

"because i can't take care of you bud.  and it's making mommy sad."

he paused for a moment.

"but i know what will make your heart feel better."

i looked up, but not until i thought i had wiped away as many tears as i could.  he already knew, but i guess i didn't want him to see.  

"really.  what's that?"

"if i push the shake button on the remote control."

he then proceeded to shake.  violently shake.  he flung himself to floor and shook - arms, hands, legs, feet, head - all flailing on the ground like a fish out of water.  i couldn't keep it in.  i started cracking up.  my i've given up-i'm defeated-and useless tears turned into my kid is seriously the greatest tears.  i was laughing.  hysterically even.

he stood up and said, "see, i told you i could make your heart feel better."  he walked back around the couch, making that little smirk he does when he's trying his hardest not to smile, and continued playing with his star wars guys.

i got up. i became the offense.

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geez, i should have just started...

some things just make me really happy...

and pictures are on the top of the list...

check these out...

not for vanity, for clarity.

seriously, a picture with all of us looking - words can't even express.

random thoughts of a rambling mom...

(i never try to take pictures of the three of them together...this is why)

i finally uploaded some pictures.  i think my annoyance with it comes from the fact that my computer is upstairs and i spend most of my time downstairs.  bob is almost done painting my desk, so the next complaint you will hear is that i am on the computer too much...

i thought i would be brave one day last month and took all three of the kiddos to irvine park at the orange county zoo by myself.  they had this day where they taught you about bats, cats and spiders in honor of halloween.  the class had cute crafts and they brought out some insects for the kiddos to touch.

(less than thrilled with his cat hat)

the staff wasn't very open to having siblings in the room that were not of the crafting age, so i got a few not nice looks from the retired volunteers when my boys started chucking crackers across the room and screaming when i wouldn't let them have the glue.  (but i am VERY thankful to one volunteer.  every time alex took off a shoe and threw it on the ground, and every time matt got mad when i wouldn't put my sunglasses on him AGAIN, she laughed every time and either picking up the shoe, or putting on the glasses said, "don't you just love this stage.  take advantage of it, because it will be gone soon."  she was amazing to say the least.)

(stylish matty)

but, my favorite part of the day was before the zoo even opened.  we got to the park about 45 minutes early (i know, right?  me?  early?)  this park was HUGE.  and it was open.  and best, it was empty.   so, for the first time in my mom-to-three-boys life, i let all of the kids out of the stroller, and i let them run/walk really fast.  it was seriously one of those days i will never forget.  as bobby ran for the pond, alex ran up a hill, and matty lost his balance and rolled down a hill, i was able to have all my kids in view, i could grab matt, chase alex, and yell at bobby to get his attention and keep him from jumping in the pond.   it was a great day.

(alex on the loose)

my home is my comfort zone.  as i'm sure is the same for most moms.  i have control here.  i have a routine here.  i know they can't get hurt here.  everything is baby proofed, and i can see them in every direction.  but  i know i'm not letting my kids get out and run and enjoy their life enough.  but how do i do it without it being an open field where i can see them, and no one else is around to snatch them up?  there is one of me and three of them...how could i possibly let them all out and be confident enough to know i can keep all three of them safe?

this last week i have spent a day with each of my boys individually, and it's so funny how different they are when they are alone.  i felt like i got to know alex and matt for the first time, and i felt like bobby could relax and talk knowing he had my complete attention.  i'm sure this will be a battle i have my entire life.   it's easy splitting your heart in three ways - a mother's love is unconditional and limitless.  but how do you mothers of more than one split yourself up enough to know, actually know, each of your children individually?  and your husband for that matter?

looking for christmas cards???

so i have to give this girl a shout out for the following reasons:
1. i love her cards.
2. i love her blog.
3. i love how she dresses her little boy.

but i have to admit, i don't know her. i bought my christmas card from her last year and have been stalking her ever since. recently, someone has decided to steal some of her designs *which i may not have believed if i hadn't been stalking her for the last year and seen her designs*, so i'm trying to help her get even by giving her business.
so, if you're looking for something cute and original - here you go. i know most of us have photoshop, but seriously, how could you resist the cheap price, and help another mother out???  (please don't be disappointed if i duplicate your card...atleast the family will be different, right?)

she also does birth announcements, save the date, thanksgiving...etc.  

less ordinary designs

and if i'm throwing my stalking obsession out there, i might as well admit she is where i got this (that i haven't uploaded in forever for) from...

proud...

i don't even know if that's the word today, but that's the word i'll use.

let me give you a rundown on the weekend...

1.  bobby won an award at school.  not just any award.  but a good student award.  an award for listening, and doing work, and being nice, and being focused.   not just for one day, but for an entire week.  and guess what, he won it on his own.  without medication, without any diet, without any bribing, without any coercing.  he did it all by himself.  and i knew he would.  he just had to do it on his own terms, and not anyone elses.  and i couldn't be more proud.

2.  bobby scored his first goal.  the soccer season is ten weeks long.  we are in week 8.  most games involve playing with shadows, using the force on the other team, chasing players *and not the ball*, and sometimes some pirouettes are thrown in for good measure.  but not this game.  the ball came to him, and he kicked it in scoring his first goal.  it motivated him, he payed attention, he followed the ball - for about five minutes.  then it was back to shadows and lightsabers.  but oh how proud we are.  and oh how even more proud he is.

3.  he won a goldfish at the church carnival.  by bowling (i'm sure his success is genetic - i grew up in a bowling alley - thanks mom and dad).  he knocked down all of the graves with a pumpkin and chose a goldfish - named goldie.  we stopped at 9pm to buy fish food.  we got home and put him in a shiny new bowl.  we hoped he would make it through the night.  we woke up and bobby told us goldie was still sleeping.  bob went to walmart and bought goldie a friend.  bobby didn't notice that goldie was new as well.  so goldie and fishy were placed in their shiny new bowl.  we left for church and came home a few hours later. new goldie and fishy fell asleep as well.  we tried to explain what happened, to not make his prize seem so sad, and i think he understood.  i don't like teaching my 4 year old such unhappy things.  but he still won a fish.  and that was pretty exciting.  (apologies for the chocolate around the mouth - he also just completed a donut on a string contest.  hilarious.)

4.  he won a best costume award for his obi wan kenobi costume.  alex and matt won an award first - they were thing 1 and thing 2.  bobby wanted to so badly to win an award.  but they didn't call his name.  until after he left the room and i ran out with an award (that looked very similar to alex and matt's) and told him he missed his name being called.  he was glowing.  he was happy.  (luckily he didn't notice his name wasn't on there - which is strange he didn't notice - he can read and write his name - but i won't point it out.)

so, if i'm using a word, the word would be proud.  i love when my kids just have an all around good weekend. not a melt down, not a tantrum, all listening skills in full effect. it was a really nice weekend.

my boy is a good one.  i see it.  wouldn't it be nice if we could see everyone through their mother's eyes. except for our spouses. 'cuz then that would just be weird.

alex...

i took alex and matt out to take their 18 month pictures. here are a few of my favorites of the 75 i took that day. please disregard the nudity. i took them there with a brand new polo and their see kai runs, and it was totally muddy. therefore, no shirt, no shoes, but mom still took pictures.

courtesy smile...

enough already...

the wheels on the bus go 'round and 'round...

our car is right there. see.  let's go...

alex despises grass and wouldn't move from the same spot unless i physically picked him up and moved him.  the photos turned out cute, but they will always remind me of the craziness of having two.  matt was crawling towards the street every two minutes, and alex cried pretty much the entire time. 

oh the joys of boys - two of them.

*please refrain from bad lighting comments.  i'm still learning and have awhile to go.*

matty...

sexy pose...

grass is fun...

can you just look the other way already...